smile!

I don't have a lot to add here, but I wanted to post two cute pictures. The first one is just a sleeping picture that I thought was sweet. She is in a cute outfit made by Chaps... whoever gave us this outfit, please let us know where you got it because I'd like to look at more of their baby clothes:

This picture is one of her smiles! Her daddy can always get her to smile. She also likes to talk and smile at her mobile fish from her swing. It is super difficult to capture her smile with a camera, but this is the closest I have come:

Pink Overload? NO SUCH THING!

It seems that after my last post (with the pictures of Madelyn during her first snow) I began getting comments about how the pictures were overloaded with pink. Even though one of the people making the comment was none other than Madelyn's own daddy... I have to totally disagree, people! There is simply no such thing as pink overload. I am here to say, "bit your tongues, all you pink-haters!" I think my baby girl looks adorable decked out in her pink dress in her pink BundleMe in her pink stroller with her cute pink hat!!!!! :-)


...okay, so perhaps I'm fighting a losing battle... but maybe Vicky and Ben will back me up??

First Snow!

Today John had to work and April is still out of town, so Madelyn had to come with me to work. Luckily, today was a teacher work day, which means we didn't have students. Teachers are supposed to use today and tomorrow to complete first semester grades and plan for the beginning of second semester. The weather man was calling for snow, but in MD that usually ends up meaning that it'll be really cold - no snow. When I bundled Madelyn up this morning and arrived to school at 7ish, it was just flurries. By the time we left my school around 10:30, it was real snow. Her first real snow! I took a few pictures.

Here is her adorable pink stroller in the snow... you can barely see her little head because she is so bundled up in her BundleMe fleece pouc:
Since you can't really see her little face in the picture above, I did a close-up shot before I got her into the warm car:

This video isn't very exciting because she is just sleeping in her swing... but she's so darn cute! I don't post many videos, so I thought I'd put this one up:

The truth

Okay, so it's not like I thought being a full-time teacher, wife, and mom would be easy. I figured it would have some serious challenges... but truthfully... this is so much harder than I ever could have imagined! I absolutely never even considered the idea of being a stay at home mom. It's no big surprise to anyone that I really love my job. I don't just mean that I love it because it provides us with stable paychecks (well, it will again once my unpaid maternity leave is done) or because it gives me something to do during the day - I truly love teaching. I love my students, I love my classroom, I love making cool lesson plans, I love helping kids kind of understand Shakespeare, I love having former students stop by or write me e-mails just to say hi... I freakin' LOVE being a teacher!

But you know what I don't love??

I don't love leaving Madelyn during the day - even though she is either at home with her daddy or with Aunt April at her house. Actually, I pretty much HATE that. I truly hate that after not getting to bed until midnight (thanks to grading and planning and helping John with Madelyn), waking up at 4:30am to feed Madelyn then get ready for work, and then being at school from 6am-3pm, I am far too grumpy and impatient with my baby girl. It isn't her fault when I have to deal with annoying parents and/or co-workers and/or the occasional ridiculous student all day long... it isn't her fault that I chose to be a working mom... I hate that I've been too exhausted lately to simply enjoy the company of my baby and husband. When I'm not feeding Madelyn, doing laundry, washing dishes, grading papers, making PowerPoints, creating lessons, or responding to parent e-mails, I fall asleep. Sometimes I get a chance to shower and eat, but not as frequently as I wish I did.

I hate that I'm not the mommy that gets to spend all day with her daughter, watching her grow up and not missing a second of it. I hate that I'm not the wife I got to be in California - I don't get up early just to cook bacon and eggs for John (neither of which I'd eat), I don't have time to clean the apartment or iron his work clothes, I rarely put effort into making good dinners, and I can't even tell you the last time we just cuddled up on the couch to watch a movie together. I also hate that I am no longer the type of teacher who does everything - I don't stay after school until 5 coming up with the best ways to improve lessons, I don't help judge the dance company auditions or school play auditions any more, I am not the one who is able to volunteer to help out with anything.

I have three jobs right now, and I feel like I'm seriously sucking at all of them.

So there it is. The truth.

Trip To The Mall

I don't know why my background feels the need to advertise directly on top of my words, but from now on I'll try to remember to leave plenty of space before I start typing.

Today I took Madelyn to the mall, where we met up with April, Ben, Ryder, and Zak. Madelyn typically likes the mall, although she can sometimes scream the entire time. Luckily, today she was content and sleepy. I wanted to remember to take a picture of her with her BundleMe in the stroller because she is so cute when it is zipped up around her and she is all bundled up... but I always forget! I did take a few pictures today though. She had on a cute dress from Grandma Lynn that I took pictures of her in:

This cracks me up because when she is asleep in her swing, sometimes she'll hold her arms out in zombie-fashion:

She got a bath last night and wore the bathrobe that Aunt Debbie gave her for Christmas:

On Christmas Eve I spent some time with one of my friends from high school. I hadn't seen my Jamiejamie in a little over two years! During our walk, we talked a lot about Madelyn and he told me I should have her hold a sign that says "I love Jamie" and take a picture... I did better than a sign: